I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
