Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
