The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
