I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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