But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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