She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
