Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
