Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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