Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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