so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
