kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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