why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I lost the right to judge tonight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
