Rock
Scissors
Fuck
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
