I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize