I love black thongs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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