It was confusing and full of hummus
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
