im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
high people should be assigned attendants
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
