I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
