I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
