You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
