It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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