Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
