First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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