Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
