All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have aggressive nipples.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
