All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
