she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
