Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
