the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
