did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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