yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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