I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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