when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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