this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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