Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
