the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
