Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
