He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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