I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
