ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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