Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
