So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
