Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
thus making me awesome and them whores
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
