I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
