Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
