I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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