I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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