all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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