I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
