I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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