bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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