my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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